A few days back I started writing a story. It was going all too well till I couldn't get through a certain plot because I was feeling something was missing or I was unable to create a captivating plot which is perfect. So I stopped writing at all. It's just that after months of non-writing habits, when I finally opened a document to write, my mind wasn't working how it used to work in 2020, when I used to write a thrilling story in just one sitting. Back when my concentration was too good. Now I keep on jumping from one activity to another. A few minutes ago I was reading a book where I discovered the word "Consientious" and now here I am moving from reading to writing a whole blog post on that word.
In between these heedless negative habits of distractions, I often feel strong pangs of regret or fear that I am not doing what I ought to do dutifully. Even though somewhere I do have control; the overstimulation of wide options of things to do—I often feel hesitant to even start anything. And even though I finally start anything, I leave it midway because of my distractive behaviour. But my strong pangs of "being a conscientious person" thoughts sometimes keep me thinking and make me contemplate my negative patterns of behaviours.
Thankfully, atleast I am able to define something's wrong with the way I am living my life, I am grateful atleast I have reached this level of self-awareness. Some people (like I was till a few days ago) just feel overwhelming because life is not good but they rarely ponder over their negative behavioural patterns.
In the book "The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine Aron", I read that anger washes away when a person feel empowered. And that we are able to tolerate certain overstimulating behaviour when we are sure that we can control them whenever we want. Now I think these two things can become keypoints for me to control myself from distraction and identifying what's actually wrong with me?
Are you too someone who is just obsessed with being too perfect that whatever activity, however small or big, when you perform it and it doesn't meet your expectations or perfection level, you feel overwhelming and leave it to linger in the middle?
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